whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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