i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
