This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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