I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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