Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
