I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
