The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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