Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
