Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
