my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
