get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
