I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the condom got lost in my hair
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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