im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
