the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
