JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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