I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
