Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
