man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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