He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just invented taco cereal.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
