I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
