Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
