drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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