My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
