Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
