I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You were trust falling into bushes
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
