When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
