I am puke
she woke up with a sticky ear
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
