I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
