Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
