Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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