i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
