it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
