Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So much rum. So many feels.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
