Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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