she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
