Pants 0. Shit 1.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
