I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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