Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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