Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
