Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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