i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
