Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize