is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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