Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
