its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
