Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
