He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
