She said her name was "party"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
