I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
