If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
