one word: firstdatebathroomanal
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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