hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
