the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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