I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
