Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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