A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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