But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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