Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
