you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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