im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
