Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
