And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
