I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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