Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
