She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
