Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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