I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
