Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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