Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
