he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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