am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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