i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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